How to overcome isolation and find your place of belonging

Imagine your heart is like a garden. There is a table with chairs in it. It’s a place of laughter, feasting and fellowship. It has always been there.

What if I told you there is somebody who desires to sit and feast with you at the table? What if I told you that this somebody will put never-ending goodness on this table, things you have never tasted before but are better than your tastebuds could wish for? What if this somebody will always be within reach for you, always satisfying you. What if that someone knew ALL of you and still chose to be with you more than anywhere else?

Hard to believe when you feel isolated, isn’t it?

But it is possible!

Anyone can struggle with isolation. I did, when we moved from Germany to California. I did, when I left what was familiar and stepped into unknown terrain. I did, and I know of a lot of people that do, too. They are with people but still feel lonely.

We are wired for connection.

I found the most common root causing isolation to be fear and shame. Why are we afraid to be vulnerable and transparent? Why is it so hard to admit when we are struggling? We question if we are worthy of connection if others really knew us. We wonder if we will ever be good, successful, thin, rich, smart, promoted, beautiful, or worthy enough.

Connection can only happen when you allow yourself to be seen for who you are. It takes courage to overcome fear and shame, and tell your whole story with your whole heart.

I struggled with isolation after moving to California. I felt I was living in two worlds, not being able to be fully present in either one of them. It was like an island. I tried to stay connected with friends and family from “home” while settling in San Francisco, my new home. It took time. It was hard. Leaving Germany felt like I left the village I had and needed to help raise our children. The thought of building a whole new social life, finding community who knew me for who I was, was too overwhelming. I just needed a friend who knew what I was going through.

Then there was this sweet friend of mine reminding me that there are people who need friends just as much as I do. I can be a friend to someone in the midst of needing a friend myself. It can start with me. It can start with you, too. You’re powerful to make that choice. So I chose to look. I chose to invest. I chose to risk. I prayed. I chose to do something.

It takes courage but if you fully embrace vulnerability, you will see that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. Being vulnerable and knowing your worthiness of connection is a step into freedom. It is the place where joy, creativity, belonging and love is born. You are not made to do life alone. Your heart was created for connection and a community, a place where you belong.

When you close your eyes, and walk through the garden of your heart, what do you see?

How much of that garden do you allow others to see? Do you let them in to the beautiful space where flowers and fruit trees grow and bloom, but have a “Don’t enter” fence around the areas overgrown by weeds, that you rather keep to yourself. Do you let others see all of it, the blooming, the growing and the hurting?

If we want to be known and loved for who we really are, we have to stop hiding, and start letting people see all of it.

There is a table with chairs in your garden. It’s a place of laughter, feasting and fellowship. It has always been there. It might have been empty and silent the last couple years, but it doesn’t have to stay like this.

For me, allowing God to be my gardener has been the best decision I’ve ever made. We sit together and feast from the never-ending, satisfying goodness that He brings to the table. He is better than I could have imagined. He enjoys my company more than religion has taught me. He is more real and joyful than I’ve ever thought. He is not only a good Father, but a good friend, too. He carefully and lovingly picks the weeds, pulls up dead roots, prunes and waters the good.

You want to break free from isolation and find a place of belonging?

Start with your heart. Search for what is eternal. Even if you don’t believe, try it out and ask God to reveal Himself to you for who He really is. You’ll be surprised. Be a friend to someone. Be vulnerable and let others see ALL of you because you are worthy. You don’t have to be more. You are enough.

Why?

Because He who created you is enough.

I am rooting for you. I believe in you. You will overcome!